As a little girl, one question consistently haunted me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Even in college, the questions about my future continued to frustrate me, “What’s your major? What do you want to do after graduation?”
I never had the answers.
So I came up with lots of different options. It became a self-entertaining game to see what it felt to say a career out loud, own it for a minute, and get a reaction from someone. Each answer appealed to me, of course, but I couldn’t quite figure out what I wanted most.
This keeps coming up in conversations recently.
I share it with you here so that you can reaffirm that there’s still time for whatever dream you’ve been ignoring, no matter what stage of your life you’re in. Or if you’re not sure where you want to go next, you can unburden yourself from feeling like you need to have an answer. It’s OK to explore, too.
In no particular order, here are some jobs I once wanted:
- Attorney
- Actress
- Comedian
- Hard-hitting newspaper journalist
- Celebrity portrait photographer
- National Geographic photographer
- Olympic swimmer (200m and 500m freestyle)
- Missionary
- Architect
- Stock room organizer
- Saturday Night Live cast member
- Astronaut*
- Marathon runner
- iO Chicago improviser
- Installation artiste
- Captain of a sailing vessel
- SCUBA instructor (somewhere tropical)
- Beach bum or legit surfer
- Interior designer
- Antiques dealer
- House renovator / flipper
- Anthropologist
- Author of important books
- Graphic designer
- Painter
- Film critic
- Art historian
- Wedding photographer
- Social media strategist
- Magazine editor / publisher
- Wood worker / craftsman
- Baywatch-style lifeguard
- Judge Judy type
- Costume designer
- College professor
- Ph.D. candidate
- Poet
- Fortune 500 CEO
- Private investigator
- Party planner
- Restauranteur
- Vacation property owner
- EMT / First responder
- Emergency room doctor
Did I mention that these are in no particular order?
At one point they all seemed attractive. It’s interesting to look back at how frustrated and lost I felt over the years, and how each one of those things makes perfect sense now.
What I like to tell people is that I spent a lot of time feeling lost.
Even though I was a little lost, I always knew – without a doubt – that I wanted a life in film. The trouble was that I didn’t see many options. It felt like the only place for a woman in entertainment was the sexy leading lady, and that didn’t feel quite right for my life. (More on that some other time.)
So … I wandered a bit.
The truth is that I wasn’t lost, I was learning. I grew up a lot, met amazing people, and developed critical skills that I use as a filmmaker. Everything I found while wandering over those years, led me to today. I wouldn’t be who I am without those years.
Big Fat & Stealthy was an improv team that mainly performed at ComedyWorx in Raleigh, N.C. We had a lot of fun together. I took our team photos and designed our marketing materials. What great memories.
Again, my point in sharing all of this is to help you see that it takes a lifetime to lead up to a certain moment. The inspiration for making each of my films didn’t come from a single moment; it was many moments over the course of my entire life. I found my way into directing by following my curiosity, and a desire to tell stories that hold my attention.
It takes time, sometimes, to get where you’re going.
So no matter where you are on your journey, remember to be kind to yourself. Give yourself a lot of grace, patience, and room to explore. It’s OK to make mistakes and fail fast.
Your path won’t look like anyone else’s, and that’s the real power. You are you. No one else can be you. And your story is something we want to hear because it’s unique.
We need the stories you want to tell. We need you to feel alive, not cranky from years of repressing yourself. We want to see what you have to offer the world.
Explore the unknown.
Love yourself.
Forgive people.
Make things.
Find your voice.
*Note: The astronaut thing isn’t entirely accurate. It’s something my college girlfriends joke about. Of course, it’s possible I once said that I’d like to go into outer space. I mean, really, that part is still true today.