This year has been one of the, busiest, most trying, and happiest years I’ve ever experienced. There were moments of sorrow, grief, and loss. There have also been moments of great joy, excitement, and laughter. I’m living an incredibly lucky / blessed / charmed life.
But on some days, like today, I feel like I’m struggling (and failing) to juggle it all well enough.
Being a rather super-private woman, I don’t share most of my struggles online. I feel like there are bigger fish to fry, no one wants to hear me whine, and these “problems” are so first world that it’s totally sickening to spend time talking about it at great length. It’s better to put energy towards something more productive, you know?
But doesn’t that diminish and de-qualify what I’m feeling? I’m still feeling it, even if I feel like I shouldn’t talk about it. That is something that fascinates and frustrates me at the same time.
Right now I’m not feeling totally discouraged but I am very tired. I’m tired of the fight, tired of the struggles. I’m really ready for a few victories.
But that’s the thing … that’s when you have to keep pushing. Because you’re almost there. That’s when you have to suck it up, give it all you’ve got, and go one more round.
Isn’t that what we learned playing team sports? Isn’t that basically every great movie we’ve ever seen? There’s just one more step to get across the finish line, and it always looks totally unlikely.
We need the challenges. We are shaped by our struggles. We are humbled before we are victorious, so that we may appreciate the sweet success.
That may be inspiring or it may be a bunch of horse shit. Nevertheless, that’s what I’m telling myself today.